I never asked you to love me back. I just asked you to accept my undeniable love for you.
And if you ask me, I don’t know what love really is. I doubt if anyone knows at all.
Everyone seems to have different definitions.
Maybe thinking of it as a stereotype thing, I named what I felt for you as ‘love.’
But what I felt for you isn’t really the question. What I wanted to make YOU feel is the real deal.
I wanted to make you feel loved, knowing someone would make an effort for you and keep dinner prepared everyday you returned back from work.
I wanted to make you feel safe when life got so hard on you and you still had someone to hold you to sleep.
I wanted to make you forget all the bad things in life, every night, when we were skin on skin. Stifling screams by biting my bottom lip and both of us trying to minimise the noise, so that we don’t wake up the next door neighbors.
I wanted to make you feel worshipped when I looked at you with so much adoration in my eyes and trailed your jawline with my finger tips and grazed your bottom lip with my teeth under the sunlight falling on your beautiful face.
I wanted to make you feel like the child you had forgotten to be at 40 by drawing funny things on your face in the morning when I had failed to wake you up so many times.
I wanted to make you feel mad at me by imitating you in an annoying voice. Or by poking your cheek constantly while you did some work on the laptop.
I wanted to frustrate you by giving you a heated kiss in the morning and push you out to go for work. Or by running my hand over your dangerous zones on our way back from some monthly grocery.
I wanted to make you feel complete when I let you tell me about your day with your head on my chest and our fingers intertwined.
I wanted to make you feel everything but never, alone.
I wanted to make you feel the love you deserved, but never got.
I wanted to make you feel home.
I wanted you to know you’ve a home you can always return to.
A home that will never send you away and will always be there to welcome you, in her arms, everyday, for the rest of her life.
Author’s note: this is officially the gayest thing I’ve ever written and I’m honestly so disappointed with myself but yeah whatever bye.