It was a chilly December night. Your exam night. His bad night. He was really upset about something you can’t recall anymore. You opened up your book at 11 to study. You had to nail this exam as it was your weakest subject. You received a message from him at 1. ‘It was bad day,’ it said. Knowing this was going to lead to a long conversation, you looked up at the clock. You were running out of time. You decided to talk to him while you worked on some solutions. He went on with all the mishaps that took place on that day, all the bad things of that month and misfortunes of his life. You were only able to do two solutions due to the distraction and it already struck 2. You decided to leave the solutions and only read the book. He seemed really depressed. You wanted to hug him. You wanted to tell him it will be okay and whisper all kinds of sweet things in his ears. You were only done with a single chapter while seven were still left. Your eyelids started to droop. You were exhausted. You decided to leave physics and go to sleep, but he wasn’t anywhere done letting his stress out. You didn’t want to abandon him on such a crucial time so you decided to stay for his sake hoping he’ll be over in 20 minutes or so. Once 30 minutes had passed, you told him you were sleepy. “Please stay?” He asked and you couldn’t say no to that in a million years. You kept on listening, consoling, even allowing him to let out his stress on you through fights with you. You didn’t complain. Because you knew, you were the only person he’d share his troubles with. And somehow instead of being annoyed, you felt special. You didn’t even notice the time and suddenly your morning alarm was ringing at 6 am. And finally, after a while, he felt sleepy too. He fell asleep and you decided to get ready for school to flunk your exam that day.
But then a year later on a random night you were talking to him. You felt sick to your stomach and your head hurt due to some serious medications. Maybe that was what led to your bad mood. You were acting really grumpy. Although you tried your best, you ended up letting out some stress on him. That started to annoy him. You wanted to talk to someone. But he was the only one you talked to. You wanted him to talk to you but it struck 11:30 and he started to feel sleepy. You asked him, ‘Stay?’ But he didn’t. And you didn’t blame him. He had to sleep. And it was a college night.

But tell me, did it break your heart a little?

Author’s note: It isn’t necessary whatever I write on is based on my life because quite frankly, I have never flunked an exam. Yet. Thank you.


Lies and Liars.

As a kid I was always told about this One God. Who is the most just, the most understanding, caring and gives you whatever you ask for.

“He’s your Lord, you obey Him and He gives you all that you ask for,” they said. I was 7 and I believed them.

As a kid I was told of how there is no one more sincere than your parents and family in the entire world.

“We’ll always want your best,” they said. I was 8 and I believed them.

As a kid I was taught to get excellent grades and study hard.

“Good grades will make your life better someday,” they said. I was 9 and I believed them.

As a kid I was taught never to talk to strangers.

“Strangers will only use you. Stay away from them. They are dangerous people!” They exclaimed. I was 10 and I believed them.

As a kid I was taught never to let anyone touch me.

“It will ruin your entire life,” they said. I was 11 and I believed them.

As a kid I was taught never to go near drugs.

“Drugs are poison.” They told me. I was 12 and I believed them.

I was 16 when the questions started.

“Don’t talk back,” they said.
“Why do you always stay quiet?” They asked.

“Study hard,” they said.
“Why don’t you ever take your nose out of books?” They asked.

“Get out of your room and go outside.” They said.
“Why are you partying every weekend?” They asked.

Well how about, fuck you?

Fuck everything.

Fuck religion.

Fuck family.

Fuck grades.

Talk to strangers, till you find your favourite one.

Do all sorts of drugs, till you find the right one.

Let people kiss you and touch you, till you start liking it.

Talk back as much as you like; lock yourself up in a room; do whatever the fuck you like.

Because people lie. People lie all the fucking time. And they always will.

The truth is, there was no God when I needed Him the most. I tried obeying Him and yet He never gave me what I asked for. And was anything but just. So of course, people lied about this one.

I saw dads rape their own daughters and brothers rape their own sisters. I never really trusted my own parents with what’s going on in my life because every time I did, they insulted all my life decisions and never once did they stand by my side. So what’s the whole point of their sincerity? 

People fucking lie because there isn’t anything more enjoyable than flunking exams. There isn’t anything more pleasing than being abandoned by God; kicked out by family and not being able to think straight because the alcohol has finally gotten to your brain cells. There isn’t anything more satisfying than feeling your lips burn with ruthless kisses and a stranger’s hands all over you. 

And at that one moment, you’ll realise, your entire life had been full of lies and liars.

-The truth I learnt after spending 24 years of a life full of lies.

Author’s note: I know this is a little blasphemous, so if this causes any offence to you, you may ignore it instead of throwing hate and arguments at me. Thank you.